It's That Time Again

(cross posted from Momma Mindy's Moments)

It's that time again.

I had my six month routine blood work

to find out the status of the cancer

that has staked a claim on my body

with squatter's rights.

In a few weeks, I will have a sonogram.

In January, cancer was discovered for the third time,

but my body didn't absorb radioactive iodine,

so it couldn't be used as a treatment.

It's too soon for another neck surgery.

So I wait,

watch

and wonder

if they will grow or spread.

I always feel a little apprehensive,

so I commit my concerns to the Lord in prayer,

and try not to take it back out of His hands with worry.

But, I always know,

that little band-aid on my arm,

could be the beginning of another life change for me.

As I was leaving, my endocrinologist cheered me on,

as she is good at doing,

by complimenting

"You're such a brave young woman."

The good news is,

she thinks I am young.

But, the brave part,

I'm not sure about.

I appreciate her warmth and her encouragement,

but I am not brave.

I just have cancer.

People with bravery

rescue other people from drowning and car wrecks.

Brave people jump out of airplanes,

climb Mount Everest,

live in the jungles as a missionary,

and walk on the moon.

I am not brave by character,

my situation forces bravery

because the only alternative

to living with cancer,

if you can't be cured,
is dying with it.

So, if that is all it takes to be brave,

I hope she calls me brave for

many,

many,

many years.

I would like to someday be a

"brave, old woman."

So, my heart and mind are swirling

with prayers and scenarios,

as I consider what the future might hold,

because,

it's that time again.