Monday, July 12, 2010

Two years later

Two years ago, a doctor, whose name I can't even remember, called to confirm the diagnosis of breast cancer. Now - I wish I couldn't remember having breast cancer. But, the reminders sometimes wake me up at night. I see them in the mirror every morning. I take them with my morning juice and cereal. I put them on as I select my wardrobe each day. I brush them out after my shower. I feel them when a friend pats me on the shoulder. I feel them flash through my body from time to time. I schedule them around my work hours. I feel them when I want to be intimate. I worry about them hurting my children. I fear they will steal my future.

I hate cancer and all it's done to my life.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the pain clinic doctor. The pain in my shoulder started in October. I have taken two different types of medications that have not helped the pain and actually screwed up my body more. I was referred to the pain clinic in April - and tomorrow is my appointment. I'm hoping for a diagnosis. I'm hoping for a treatment that works. I'm hoping for a cure, but I'll probably just get referred to yet another doctor.

Sorry for whining. Pray as you see fit.


  1. I am sorry you are in pain and not feeling well. I pray that your appointment tomorrow will be helpful to your gentle with yourself my friend, keeping you in my heart and prayers.......:-)Hugs

  2. That's what we are here for! If you need to whine, that's OK. Chronic pain is very hard to live with. I am praying for a solution for you, friend!

  3. I am so with you!! You need to find a way to manage your pain!

    I am struggling with this as well. I have finally come to the conclusion that I do not want to be in pain anymore. My doctors MUST find a solution that work for me.

    For you too!!