Tough Times

(cross posted from Coffee and Chemo)
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Summer is over, and I have been having a tough time.

Thank God, I had the strength to do things with my kids.  We all really had a great summer.

That said, I spent most of my time in bed.

I am still trying to find the right balance of pain meds.  This Thursday, I consulted with the pain specialist at my hospital and he said I should up the dose of my pain patch by 50%.  I will try it, starting tomorrow, when I switch the patch.

Meanwhile, I am so tired, I just want to sleep all day long.  I read a bit here and there, and then I am ready to go back to sleep.

The cancer makes me tired.  The chemo makes me tired.  The pain makes me tired.  The pain meds make me tired.  My kids make me tired.  Doing everything makes me tired.  Doing anything makes me tired.

Complain, complain, complain.....

Two years later

Two years ago, a doctor, whose name I can't even remember, called to confirm the diagnosis of breast cancer. Now - I wish I couldn't remember having breast cancer. But, the reminders sometimes wake me up at night. I see them in the mirror every morning. I take them with my morning juice and cereal. I put them on as I select my wardrobe each day. I brush them out after my shower. I feel them when a friend pats me on the shoulder. I feel them flash through my body from time to time. I schedule them around my work hours. I feel them when I want to be intimate. I worry about them hurting my children. I fear they will steal my future.

I hate cancer and all it's done to my life.


Tomorrow I have an appointment with the pain clinic doctor. The pain in my shoulder started in October. I have taken two different types of medications that have not helped the pain and actually screwed up my body more. I was referred to the pain clinic in April - and tomorrow is my appointment. I'm hoping for a diagnosis. I'm hoping for a treatment that works. I'm hoping for a cure, but I'll probably just get referred to yet another doctor.


Sorry for whining. Pray as you see fit.

Upping the Ante -- Moving On To Stronger Pain Meds (Medical Update)

(cross posted from Coffee and Chemo)
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Today, I began treatment with Herceptin again.  Since I have not received Herceptin in a long time, I needed to receive a "loading" dose.  Beforehand, I agreed to take hydrocortisone, to reduce the chances of an adverse reaction.  I did not really want to receive more steroids, but I also did not want to have to stop treatment in the middle.  Thankfully, I did not have an adverse reaction this time.

Also today, thanks to Moshe's gentle persistance, I chose to switch my method of pain management.  I got a patch which releases pain medication on a steady basis, over the course of three days. I am starting with the lowest dose patch, because I do not want to be all woozy.  I had to upgrade to something a bit stronger, becaue my previous regimen no longer kept the pain at bay.  I am hoping that this low dose is enough to do the trick.  One of the nurses warned me that I might experience some wooziness initially, but encouraged me to keep the patch on for several days, to give my body time to adjust and get over the wooziness.

So far, I am not feeling particularly woozy.  I still have some mild pain, but it really is mild.  We will see how I am feeling tomorrow.

My mom kept me company at the hospital today, which was really nice.  We ended up being at the hospital for a really long time (I arrived at 9:00 am and we did not get out until 4:30 pm).

I would have liked to go home and rest, but God had other plans for me.  My son, who got himself a job working as a junior counselor this summer, had a field trip with his camp today.  He called me as soon as he learned that they would not be getting back in time for him to catch the bus to Tekoa for his horseback riding group.  I offered to take him by car today as well (I drove him and one of his friends yesterday, for their first lesson, so I could see the stables, meet the owner, and provide the boys with some sort of orientation so they would be able to come and go on their own).

Once I was driving in anyway, I decided to hang out in Tekoa with my friend, KAA, and just drive the boys home after their horseback riding session. I did not mind the wait, but I needed ice cream.  KAA and I went to the Makolet and I bought myself a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. Despite the hot weather (and the steroids coursing through my system), I exhibited exemplary self control and did not eat the entire tub of ice cream.  I used a trick my father taught me and wrapped the left over ice cream in multiple layers of plastic bags.  I used a LOT of plastic bags and the ice cream was still frozen when I got home, almost an hour later (Thanks Dad!).

Tonight, Moshe, my mom, and I, watched several episodes of The Big Bang Theory. (Thanks, LWG!)  If you are a geeky type, or even just married to one, you have to watch this!  You will laugh!!