Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's That Time Again

(cross posted from Momma Mindy's Moments)

It's that time again.



I had my six month routine blood work
to find out the status of the cancer
that has staked a claim on my body
with squatter's rights.
In a few weeks, I will have a sonogram.

In January, cancer was discovered for the third time,
but my body didn't absorb radioactive iodine,
so it couldn't be used as a treatment.
It's too soon for another neck surgery.
So I wait,
watch
and wonder
if they will grow or spread.

I always feel a little apprehensive,
so I commit my concerns to the Lord in prayer,
and try not to take it back out of His hands with worry.

But, I always know,
that little band-aid on my arm,
could be the beginning of another life change for me.

As I was leaving, my endocrinologist cheered me on,
as she is good at doing,
by complimenting
"You're such a brave young woman."
The good news is,
she thinks I am young.


But, the brave part,
I'm not sure about.
I appreciate her warmth and her encouragement,
but I am not brave.
I just have cancer.

People with bravery
rescue other people from drowning and car wrecks.
Brave people jump out of airplanes,
climb Mount Everest,
live in the jungles as a missionary,
and walk on the moon.

I am not brave by character,
my situation forces bravery
because the only alternative
to living with cancer,
if you can't be cured,
is dying with it.

So, if that is all it takes to be brave,
I hope she calls me brave for
many,
many,
many years.
I would like to someday be a
"brave, old woman."

So, my heart and mind are swirling
with prayers and scenarios,
as I consider what the future might hold,
because,
it's that time again.

3 comments:

  1. I do not like "that time again" I only go once a year now but I still tense up and wonder.
    I think you are brave and you are much younger than I am so I think you are young as well.
    Good luck sweetie, keeping you and your family in my heart and prayers.......:-) Hugs

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  2. Our prayers are with you!!

    Please keep us informed and updated!

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  3. I know this post is old, but I just found your blog...

    You are on my prayer list.

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